Prime Time Crime  

(Prime Time Crime exclusive Feb.  9, 2008)

Canada needs Sheriff Joe

By Bob Cooper



All we'd have to do is heat the tents in the winter.  80% of the non-sworn bureaucracy in both BC & Federal Corrections could be laid off (which should happen anyway).  If prisons didn't start paying for themselves, it certainly wouldn't cost $40,000.00 per prisoner per year.  The recidivism rate would likely drop dramatically as well. Remember, only the absolute worst of the worst go to jail for anything in this country, and especially in this province.  The fact that these savages live better than our guys in Afghanistan should outrage every right-minded Canadian.

A recent news story dealt with the fact that Corrections Canada bends over backward to accommodate the religious dietary requirements of prisoners every day.  They justify this by claiming they are required to do it by the Charter of Rights and Freedoms.  In the first place, if these people were that devoted to their religion they likely wouldn't be in prison.  In the second, I've read the Charter myself and I don't see any reference to special dietary requirements.  Perhaps some Corrections bureaucrat could quote me a section number in case I've missed it.

I can imagine getting locked up in China (or here, for that matter as a White Protestant Male) and claiming that my little-known British religion requires the following for dinner each evening or I'll surely go to hell:

- 2 extra dry martinis made with premium (Belvedere, Grey Goose) Vodka. Shaken not stirred of course.

- Soup or Salad or Shrimp Cocktail of my choice

- Entree consisting of either Filet Mignon or T-Bone Steak (Rare, 10 oz. minimum), Rack of Lamb (medium rare), Chicken, or Fish (My choice of course)

- All prepared and blessed by the 'specially ordained' chefs at Hy's Encore and sent in piping hot

- All washed down with as much Cabernet or Chardonnay as I want.

What?   Why are you looking at me like that?  I can have any religion I want and you have to do what I say.  And pay for it.

Yeah, that'll happen.  Although it might actually work in China.  The guards would be so stunned I could probably run away unnoticed.  The fact that we accept it as normal is what's so bizarre. 

Now we're spending money to build condos so female prisoners can raise their children in prison.  You have to know it's only a matter of time before they extend this insanity to male prisoners just to be fair and equitable.  The ghosts of Trudeau & Jean-Pierre Goyer still walk the halls of Corrections Canada & it's about time it stopped.  Please Sheriff Joe, come North and save us as we seem incapable of doing it ourselves.

Joe Arpaio

Urban Legend: Sheriff Joe

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